I Need That Like A . . .
What’s your definition of a home theater? A
60" video display with five speakers and a subwoofer? A 13" monitor plugged into
a clock radio? Or would it be something in between? Whatever your definition, it’s
probably something that you put in a room, right?
I just got a product announcement that has me scratching my
head. "This lightweight portable eyetop DVD system lets the wearer watch videos while
moving about," it reads. "Instant video on the go!"
So what are we talking about here -- one of those laptop
DVD players you can carry in one hand? Oh no, those are so 20th century: "The
system includes: high-quality eyetop video glasses with stereo earbuds, portable DVD
player with [a] rechargeable battery, custom carrying bag to store and use the system on
the go."
I get those tiny little DVD players. At least I can
conceive of situations where they’d be useful: hospital stays, transatlantic flights,
a visit to my brother-in-law’s house. But I spent too much of my junior high school
career hiding out in the band room precisely to avoid getting beaten up for being a dork
to don a pair of "high-quality eyetop video glasses," a battery pack, and a DVD
player that would force me to moonwalk around to prevent skipping -- all to watch my
videos rather than actually experience life at street level.
Sheesh. It goes to show that, just because you can
do something isn’t a good enough reason to do it. Is there really a demand for a
product like this?
Sadly, I suspect there is. As I walk around my
neighborhood, I’m stunned by the number of people who stroll about with their cell
phones glued to their ears, shouting, "Where are you? I’m at 87th Street!"
Phooey.
And yes, I love my Apple iPod, which can also isolate me
from the city around me -- but at least my iPod leaves my eyes free to see, say, the
traffic hurtling toward me as I jaywalk absentmindedly across Third Avenue. God help me if
I was watching E.T. ascend to the heavens as well as listening to the John Williams
score while trying to navigate these streets.
But hey, I’m just a grumpy old man grousing about new
technology. You really can’t go wrong if you ignore old fogies like me when we decry
the state of the world today -- especially when we start comparing it to the golden age of
our rapidly receding youths.
Therefore, a wearable DVD system is probably a brilliant
commercial idea that will be all the rage within the year. I’m so consistently wrong
about these things that a smart investor could probably make a fortune betting against
my gut feelings in these matters.
You can find out more about this one at www.eyetop.net/home/index.php.
Go ahead. Prove me wrong.
...Wes Phillips
wes@onhometheater.com
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